"That Weird Middle Place Known as "Your 40s"
Welcome to your 40s—a decade where everything feels...complicated. You’re kind of sandwiched between two big things: raising kids that are starting to grow up way too fast and dealing with the reality that your parents are getting older. It’s this peculiar, emotional tug-of-war. On one side, you're watching your kids become more independent, which is exciting, but bittersweet. On the other, you're facing the unsettling realization that your parents—those steady, solid figures—won’t be around forever.
If you’re feeling stuck in the middle,
you’re not alone.
Watching Your Kids Grow Up
Oh, the nostalgia...remember when they were little and you couldn’t wait for them to be more independent? You dreamed about the day you wouldn’t be waking up in the middle of the night to feed a baby, or chasing down that suddenly super fast toddler. Well, congrats, you made it! But no one told you that this new phase—watching them grow into their own lives—would come with its own kind of heartache.
Suddenly, they don’t need you for everything anymore. They have their own opinions, friends, and lives outside of you. You want to be proud of how strong and independent they’re becoming (and you are), but at the same time, it’s like, “Wait, slow down! Weren’t you just a baby YESTERDAY?” It hits you in those quiet moments—when they’re off doing their own thing and the house is just...silent.
You then realize that this is a glimpse of the future. A glimpse of the day when they’ll be out in the world, living their lives while you’re sitting there wondering how time flew by so fast.
It’s an emotional tightrope. You want them to grow, to thrive, but part of you is terrified of the day when they won’t need you anymore. Because let’s be real—your identity has been wrapped up in parenting for a long time, and the thought of that shifting is a little unsettling.
Fearing Your Parents’ Mortality: It’s Coming, But You Don’t Want to Face It
Let's take a look at the other side of the coin: your parents, or those you have considered parental figures. They’ve always been there, right? That steady presence. But lately, you’re noticing things. Maybe they’re forgetting a few more things, or they’re slower than they used to be. There’s more talk about doctor’s appointments and health problems, and suddenly, it hits you like a ton of bricks—your parents are aging...and that’s terrifying.
It’s a hard truth to swallow. The people who raised you, who were once so strong and invincible in your eyes, are now...fragile. And it makes you feel vulnerable. You start thinking about things you never wanted to think about before—like life without them.
Sure, you’re supposed to be “the adult” now, but there’s still a part of you that relies on your parents. There is still a part of you that is THEIR kid. Even if it’s just for a phone call to ask something random, or to vent, or just to hear their voice. The idea of that being gone? It feels like staring into a void. You can’t imagine a world where they’re not there, but you know it’s coming, and it’s terrifying.
The Emotional Push and Pull of the 'Sandwich' Years
So here you are, in your 40s, stuck between two generations, feeling pulled in opposite emotional directions. You are now the filling in what feels like the worst sandwich EVER. You're trying to let your kids go while clinging to your parents, knowing you’ll eventually have to let them go, too. It’s a lot to process. And it’s exhausting.
You might find yourself overthinking things. "Am I spending enough time with my parents?" "Do my kids know how much I love them?" "Should I be preparing for the day when I’m the one taking care of my parents, or worse, planning their funerals?" It’s a whirlwind of worry, pride, love, and fear all rolled into one messy ball of emotion.
The truth is, no one prepares you for this middle place. It’s not something people talk about much. It’s like, you’re not "young" anymore, but you’re not old either. You’re watching the generation before you start to fade and the generation after you start to rise, and you’re caught somewhere in between, feeling a little lost.
What to Do With All of It
So how do you deal? The answer isn’t easy. You just...do. You take it day by day. You celebrate your kids’ milestones, even when they make you a little sad. You check in on your parents, spend time with them, and try not to dwell too much on the future.
Most importantly, you remind yourself that all these mixed emotions—fear, love, pride, sadness—are normal. You’re in the thick of it, and that’s OK. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Sometimes, it’s enough just to feel what you’re feeling and let yourself be in that space for a while.
The Takeaway? It’s All Part of the Journey
This middle ground you’re in—it’s hard, but it’s also a place of growth. You’re learning to navigate the changes, to hold onto what matters while letting go of what you can’t control. It’s bittersweet, sure, but it’s also life. Watching your kids grow up and your parents grow older is a reminder that time moves forward, no matter how much we wish we could slow it down. No matter how much we yearned for that amazing bowl of middle-aged soup, with it's cohesive flavors and fulfilling comfort properties, we were served this sandwich. A sandwich with a slightly less palatable flavor profile, but filling all the same,
Give yourself some grace. You’re doing the best you can in this messy, beautiful middle place...and that’s enough.
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